I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Im part way to drunk.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
