is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
