It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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