Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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