i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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