I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
