You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
