tell your sister to shave her snatch
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
