We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
