My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
