I smell stomach acid.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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