I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
