Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
