I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
