Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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