VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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