The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
