it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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