i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
