Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
