guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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