He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
