im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
