Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
