just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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