i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
