as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
