I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
