sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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