failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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