you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
