I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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