you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I will pee on everything he values.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
