hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
