So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
