if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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