Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
