I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
