how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
that's an acceptable place to lick
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
