where does the pee come out of this thing
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
