In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
