Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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