it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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