no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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