dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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