If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
