Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
