Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
