your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
