This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
