how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I did not marry a roomba.
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