I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
