Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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