captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
