ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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