WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
