We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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