I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
