that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
